make it your own.

today im feeling... normal.

nothing makes me smile like you do.

I just want to be happy!
I say this to myself and those around me quite often but the honest truth is I don’t know how to make myself happy! On paper I have a lovely life, I see the terrible actions and events taking place all around the world and I feel terrible for not being happy and contented with my life.
i want excitement.
i feel like i’m lost and don’t know what i want. It doesn’t help that the only answer i can give myself is that ‘I just want to be happy!’ I just get anxious, worrying about self-image, where to go, letting people down, giving up what I’ve got….I just don’t want that feeling anymore.

am i happy?


to you, who knows i love them, i am sorry.

if all else fails, call granny.

me again, i have realised im slightly slackin' in writing often, i apolagise for my absence but im back, and i have soooooo many things to write about, but ill save them for one rainy day.

its been three weeks into the holidays. its becoming a tedious cycle of staying up till the break of dawn, waking up as the working day is coming to a close.. i want to do something spontanious.. something out of the ordinary! i want my adreniline pumping, i want to be sky high..i want to visit my granny!

there is nothing like a phonecall from my granny. its a thing that instantly warms my heart, with words and wisdom wrapping themselves around you in an embrace. shes so terribly wonderful. granted, when shes angry watch out, that woman can grasp grudges so tightly they cant breathe. shes no doubt the most amazing woman in my life. shes the one who raised me as a baby, and shes the one i look up to.

and its times like these, when you feel you have no-one, and i mean NO-ONE to depend on, all i want is for my granny to hug me and tell me everythings going to be alright..

i hate the fact shes alone. i hate the fact shes so far away. i hate the fact i see her so litte. i hate the fact im growing up. i hate the fact shes growing old. i hate the fact i love her so much..



never leave me, joanna gannon.

(no title)

to die, would be an awfully big adventure.

easy like a sunday morning

why does everyone hate sundays? BEATS ME!
i love 'em.

chill out

i found my inner bitch and ran with her..

today i had my eyes opened to a few home truths. id usually dismiss these, me being the person i am but i decided to listen and realise what peoples preceptions of me really are.. and to my suprise, not a single positive point.

im not one to think of myself as 'pretty', 'gorgeous' or 'beautiful' but apparently i am.. and apparently i use this against people.. they said i was rude. ill-mannered, socially incorrect in behaviour, resentment flared at such an unmannered intrusion.

i can tell you now im not rude. i simply wont take shit from unintelligent air-heads throwing irrelevnant insults at me.. and if this is considered as me being rude? i dont fucking care.

im stuck up? no. i asked them to define stuck-up and they simply couldnt.. so i thought id sace them the brain cells and do it for them, bigheaded. overly conceited or arrogant.. "a snotty little scion of a degenerate family", UPPITY AND PERSNICKETY!

I COULDNT GIVE A FUCK. FUCK THE WORLD.

on a positive note.. oh wait , there isnt one.

Mistrust is your only defense against betrayal.

im focusing my energies on my real friends. its not easy knowing who is genuine or who's not. im trying to cut loose from all the 'fake friends' i seem to have at this present moment. thinking back to my long list of 'bestfreinds'.. most were short-lived and some what superficial, others had great depth and longevity! But each freinship serves a purpose in our lives.. some just for fun and some offering much more.

Number One
One Dimensional. there only aware of their needs and completely oblivious to the needs of others. often usuing you as a sounding board, rarely letting you get a word in edge ways!!

Number Two
Full of excuses. not only do they have endless excuses why they have no time for you, but for that rare chance they do come round, they want something, and that something isnt you!

Number Three
Actions dont back up words. Their promises often broken and cant trust much of what they do/say. You'll never really get to know the 'real' them as there always hiding under a mask of deception.

Number Four
Making fun of your imperfections, passing them off as a 'joke'

Number Five
will try leading you down a distructive path and drain your energy DRY, often making you stress in there presence.

Number Six
Cuts you down more than frequent. You begin to wonder wether they are jelous or just very insecure..

basically, im sticking my finger up to them so called freinds.. they recieve no purpose in my life, im kicking them to the curb,showing them the door, asta lavista..

you dont even deserve my goodbye

anybody home?

what the muff...